Whose Life Are You Living, Anyway?
I can't tell you how many times I've heard people say things like:
"I should have my career figured out by now."
"I should own a house."
"I should be married."
"I should know what I'm doing with my life."
So much of our lives can be spent chasing a version of success that we never consciously chose. Instead of asking, What do I want? we find ourselves asking, What am I supposed to want?
Take a moment to think back. What messages did you receive growing up about what a "successful" life looked like? Who taught you what the "right" path was?
Parents, teachers, friends, mentors, and even social media all have opinions about how our lives should unfold. Most of that advice comes from a place of love or concern.
But it's also shaped by their experiences, fears, disappointments, values, and dreams—not yours.
I remember being talked out of becoming both a midwife and an architect. Looking back, I wish I had trusted myself more. Those conversations weren't meant to discourage me. They reflected other people's beliefs about what was practical, secure, or realistic.
That experience taught me something important.
Even people who love us can unintentionally “muddy our waters.”
When we're constantly taking in everyone else's expectations, it becomes difficult to hear our own inner voice. Without realizing it, we can end up living according to someone else's compass instead of our own.
That's one of the reasons mindfulness matters so much to me.
When we slow down long enough to become still, the mental noise begins to settle. Like cloudy water, our thoughts become clearer. We begin to notice which desires genuinely belong to us and which ones we've been carrying because we thought we were supposed to.
Your life doesn't have to look like your parents' life.
Or your best friend's.
Or the carefully curated lives you scroll past on social media.
It gets to look like yours.
Part of becoming an adult is gently separating your own hopes and values from everyone else's expectations. That doesn't mean rejecting the people who love you. It simply means recognizing that they don't get to write your story.
The people who love you have their own lives to live. You have this one precious life to shape into something that feels true to you.
Living authentically isn't about having everything figured out. It's about becoming quiet enough to hear what truly matters to you—and having the courage to take one small step in that direction.
Your compass has always been there.
Sometimes it just needs a little less noise.
A Moment to Reflect
Before you move on with your day, take a minute to ask yourself:
What is one "should" I've been carrying that no longer feels true for me?
Whose voice does that "should" belong to?
If I set it down, what direction might my compass point instead?
You don't have to have your entire life mapped out.
You only have to be willing to take the next step that feels true to you.
"If you let cloudy water settle, it will become clear. If you let your upset mind settle, your course will also become clear."
— Buddha-inspired saying